Sasquatch was Special Ops...

I'm completely bewildered at the moment. I will never quite understand the reason people lie, whether the lie is big or small. Fuckers need to realize that their bullshit will eventually get called out and they'll be lucky to walk away with all their fuckin teeth.

Here's the scenario --
I'm looking for a roommate, I weed through all the craziness that comes my way. From the crossdresser who wants to rent my second bedroom for his "daytime playroom" to the dozens of single men who seem to think that every single mom is looking for willing dick to suck. I finally, after over 100 people, find a woman girl and her fiance that seem decent and invite them over to look at the apartment, meet my children, and discuss themselves in attempts to determine whether I think I could tolerate them enough to wake up each morning and see their little squishy faces.
Here's their story -- They were both in the military, are both currently students and working part time jobs; they can afford the meager $500 a month for rent & utilities, just don't have the credit to go get their own place or the proof of double income that is required by most leasing companies. Ok, I get that...been there myself in the past.
They seem nice enough, a bit strange, but as everyone knows I'm quite a character myself and can look past their quirks (for the most part...the whole bathroom issue discussion still bothers me). They meet my kids, who seem to like them well enough, they come to my Chunk's first birthday where my friends and family meet them and no one really has anything negative to say. Sounds good? Hell yes.

Um. NO. 

They were scheduled to move into my apartment tomorrow...till I got a strange text message this evening about how they couldn't afford to pay me for the next 60 fuckin days...yes, that's right homie. You read it right SIXTY DAYS....uh bitch say whaaaat? Instantly felt that suspicious feeling, then I got a random text that made zero sense to me, which apparently was intended for someone else...but when she finally did text me back, she adds "Oh btw my parents don't know I was in the military, they think I was studying abroad."

RED FUCKIN FLAG.

So I asked her questions about her military experience and am told she was SPECIAL OPS and used aliases. 

**looks around room to see if anyone else believes that bullshit**

So I asked for her DD214 which would be her military discharge papers, as proof....that's when every fuckin lie you can possibly imagine started blowing up my phone like a hooker on payday. 

Everything from she doesn't want to "be on the run or hiding" for the rest of her miserable little life, to she doesn't want to endanger me and my kids...Ohhh and then there's the 15 (yehhhhh) stages of protocols she will have to go through to get her DD214 docs, which BTW will not have her real name or social security number attached to it, because it's under her alias..........................bitch say whhhhaaaat!?

She should've stopped while she was ahead. 

I quickly informed her that she may be SPECIAL OPS in Call of fuckin Duty or maybe even some Modern Warfare bullshit, but there isn't any way in the devil's blazin nut sack that she was Special Ops of the United States Military and she should shut her fuckin mouth because the more lies that spill out the more I wanna bust her teeth into the back of her throat and make her fuckin choke on them hardcore. (anger issues? Nahhh not me)

I don't get what the point is in lying about anything, but to lie about having been in the military? Seriously. Put the damn PS3 controller down twat and step your white ass back into the real fuckin world for a minute. If you'd simply said you were a college student with a part time job, I wouldn't have cared...you're military lies weren't what was going to get you in the fuckin door, but your lies about it sure as hell got your little Sasquatch ass kicked the fuck out before you started.  

I hate people.